I skipped church today.
It had nothing to do with the fact that we didn’t get in bed til 2:00am-ish but had everything to do with the fact that I was overwhelmed with waiting.
Waiting on the three cars in the accident to be taken away. Two were totaled.
Waiting on an answer to the question everyone was asking, “Why did the car hit Layne completely in her lane with no skid marks? He never hit his brakes.”
Waiting on the State Trooper to answer my mom questions that I TRIED to ask in the nicest of ways . . . “Did anyone check his phone? Was he texting?” “Did you check his blood alcohol level?”
While I stood there waiting for answers I decided I didn’t want to go to church today.
A gifted guest singer/storyteller, Ed Kilbourne, was leading worship today.
Ed’s music and stories have carried my soul for over 25 years so I didn’t need to be there.
Because there we were in the middle of 150. Waiting.
“She sure had someone watching over her. Someone had His Hand on her.”
“She got a miracle.”
They were well-intended comments but ones that do not reconcile with my theology.
“I’ve seen accidents not as bad as this where no one walked away. You guys are very blessed.” Said the owner of the wrecking company.
Well – there you go. We are chosen and blessed. We have our answers. So – we are not waiting.
I skipped church today because there are others who ARE waiting.
People waiting on answers to their questions,
“Why God? Where are you?”
“Why didn’t we get a miracle?”
Last night as I hugged Layne as tightly as I dared, I knew that I couldn’t face the folks with questions about God’s divine providence and love. Why was our daughter ok when others aren’t?
Layne was able to push the door open and walk away after being hit head on by a car around 6:30pm last night on Hwy 150. The gentleman had fallen asleep and crossed the center- line. This caused the car in front of Layne to swerve in order to avoid being hit by the oncoming car.
The oncoming car hit Layne head on and pushed her and the car back about 20 – 30 feet.
Had there been a car behind her or had the airbags not deployed, Scott, Andrew, and I would join many people we know who are waiting.
I feel like I am supposed to have some answers.
Some wisdom or insight to the Divine that helps people understand where God is in situations like car accidents, cancer, divorce, mental illness, death, murder, suicide.
Last night and today I realized I had no answers, only a gut assurance that we are all still waiting.
Scott and I are not more “chosen” or “blessed” because Layne walked away alive.
God is an equally loving God.
There are not favorites, or ones who receive that love more than others.
So what do we do with the questions of those who are waiting?
The family of a 22 year old boy who crashed into a tree five years ago on Labor Day.
The family whose 19 year old daughter died the night before Mother’s Day when someone ran a stop sign.
The family who buried their 3 year old daughter after she fell out of the back seat of the truck while her dad was driving through their Christmas Tree farm.
Insight came when the gentleman who swerved in the ditch approached Layne with something to read.
I call him our “angel” (messenger from God).
His devotion that morning, which he happened to have in his car, was this:
“How comforting to know that God tends to us as we move through life’s extremes! God is here with us in births and deaths and in stillness and activity. We find the courage to live through these present moments and to move into the future, knowing that we cannot wander so far in any direction that God is not already there.”
As we all journey, may we have an assurance and peace that comes from knowing there is a Divine Love and Power (God) that carries us in and through all things – all extremes.
And maybe, just maybe, if we can work with all our might and connect to that inner presence of the Divine, which provides peace, hope, and love . . . we can be ok with waiting.
As we were standing there, I noticed a pick up truck turn right on 150.
I remember thinking, “What an odd assortment of things; I hope that rope and few bungee straps hold it together.”
After it turned I saw the contents in full view. All those items came together at the back of the truck and were grouped onto a foundation.
Which was a cross; one which held it all together.
I’m reminded of the talk by Louie Giglio about Laminin.
Laminins are the trimeric proteins which intersect to form a cross-like structure that can bind to other cell membrane and extracellular matrix molecules.
Basically, in VERY elementary terms, Laminins, in the shape of a cross on a molecular level, hold us together.
With that thought in mind, no matter what, I know we can endure the waiting.
I won’t skip church again anytime soon, as long as I can remember the lesson of waiting.
We can claim and hold onto the power of The Divine by recognizing the Spirit within each of us.